Talk:Scintilla the Squarespot/@comment-25083225-20160421053520
So, yeah. I'd love to give my thoughts about this character because tbh, the art style and look of the character is marvelous ^^ keep in mind though, that I'm going to be looking at this still as a complete product since it is published on the internet for all to see, so I won't go easy just because its a WiP. The theme of a traditional Japanese artist fish is really awesome and meshes together as a theme better than you might realize. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I was instantly reminded of "gyotaku" because of the combination of fish and artist. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gyotaku even if the reference was unintentional, nice work. I'm conflicted over the design, because while it looks really good from an aesthetic standpoint, the colors and actual outfit combined with his personality and more androgynous appearance makes it hard not to think about Sesshomaru from Inuyasha. This is more of a matter of opinion than anything, but I would slighty alter the design without giving up his main motifs to give him a more unique identity. The organization of the profile itself is super weird. To elaborate, the section "fears" gives far more details about his personality than the personality trat section itself. Its very hard for me to pull a 3 dimensional character from a list of simplified traits. Explain how he acts in a social environment, his patience, his relationship with others and how he treats his work, etc. I would combine the sections into one, big personality header, dividing the general attitude, fears, etc. into either sub-header sections or paragraphs creating a meatier description detailing Scintilla himself and giving the reader a more elaborate idea of who he is. Even though it takes longer to write, paragraph form is your friend. I tend to not like "Strengths and Weaknesses" sections when it comes to personalities, because you can always just elaborate on that in paragraph form alongside the traits itelf, making it a more cohesive profile. Same with the History and Culture section. Instead of telling how many different family members he has with bullet points in a separate section, leave it to one line his backstory, like "He was born to (father name) and (mother name) with seven siblings: (X),(Y),(Z),(A),(B)...." This will allow you to link to the other characters' profile in the text like wiki pages do if you plan on making them an essential part of his story arc. It saves a lot of clutter and having to describe a person twice. If they aren't going to be major in his story, then section off family with a subheading in the history section and elaborate there. Don't list out traits that the character doesn't have. It's just a waste of text. Being a wikia, you don't have to adhere to a rp profile as you would on dA, so just describe what you have (I would do it in paragraph to make it more flowing and substantial) same with stuff like allergies, medicine, disabiities, etc. If you don't mention that a character has something, then we as readers will assume that he doesn't have it, you don't have to reassure us, especially if you have concept art. In short: tell us what he is, not what he isn't. I would also save stuff like the lifespan of his species being unnaturally long, his vegetarian lifestyle for an extras section. Same with stuff like favorite foods color pallets and so on unless it is absolutely integral to his character (would not mentioning this change who he is as a person?) It's more of a nitpick than anything, but if his theme is more based on traditional Japanese culture, there's no need to include that he's a Capricorn, a sign under the Western Zodiac, when that system wouldn't be relevant or known in his society. The Chinese Zodiac, if you so choose, would probably be the more culturally sound zodiac to pick, even if its based on birthyear, not month. . A tattoo that glows for an unspecified, assumedly long amount of time seems very unlikely without some sort of magic or supernatural ability, as even regular tattoos fade over time due to things like the sun. Most tattoos need maintanence every once and awhile, and while having a special concoction or magic may bend this rule, It's not very reasonable. If I were you, I would make the glowing temporary so patrons would have a reason to return if they want their tattoo illuminated again or not give most customers glowing tattoos at all unless he has a specific reason to imbue them with it (if you went with the glowing factor being more magical or esoteric). If this character is going to be a fighter, I wouldn't completely drop the motif though, because I can totally imagine Scintilla being like an "artist-mage" type, creating floating, glowing glyphs and using them as projectiles, marking opponets and cursing them, either through debuffs or something as offensive as combustion or pestilence. The glowing marks and tattoos on allies could work like blessings or buffs in a similar way. With no list of skills and having more of a normal background, this is only what I would do, since my own universe has more magic, esoteric and supernatural stuff, and generally more conflict. Therefore if you don't expect him to be in fights like that, it would be perfectly okay to leave him as more of the semi-psychic artist you already portray him as The genre you write for may be different and less action-packed than mine, so I acknowledge that. So yeah, the main suggestion that I have is: expand, expand, expand. Write this as detailed, flowing, and entertaining to read almost like it was a book, because in the end, we make these characters to tell a story. Even though it would lead to fewer sections, combine the details into larger categories (appearance and personality, history, powers and abilities, and extras is how I normally organize it now, with sub-headings for the two factors and different parts of the history if they are separate enough events.) Oh, and it may be my eyes playing tricks on me, but some sections of the text randomly look like they're in a different font, like you copy and pasted it from a word document without editing, and that's ''REALLY ''annoying. It's in the first paragraph of history and culture at the end of the line. Make the sections flow as if you're reading a book or short story instead of using bulletpoints. this will entertain the reader more and make the character seem more dynamic and interesting, as if you lifted the descriptions right out of the story he's from. It's more work, but it will read better, look more professional, and I promise you'll be prouder when you go back and reread it later. In short, there are a few things that require detail (which I imagine will be resolved, like his skills, abilities, etc.) but my main complaints with this profile are more with the format it is written in than anything. Overall though, I can see the direction you're taking this character and I really like him ^^ Thank you for introducing me to him.